[Dream Project]
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8/13/00
i was housesitting a beautiful mansion. It seemed like it was my house but i couldn't believe it was really mine, it was so beautiful and so elaborate. as i walked through it i had a feeling that it could be mine if i could believe it was. also, the people i was housesitting for were originally tenants of my own house and that added to that feeling. in the dream, i was going out with the same person i've been on and off with all year. he had spent the weekend elsewhere, and i found out it was at an ex-girlfriends house. she had written him a bitter note because he wouldn't have sex with her. she looked just like me only fatter and uglier. the note said in part "you are so hot, but don't think it's because of how you look, because it's not" i then found my way to a drugstore and starting looking at makeup at some type of department store counter in there. the woman asked if i needed help. i said, only if you can make me beautiful. i want to be beautiful.

2/2/00
nana saw a picture of another girl and was exclaiming over how beautiful she was...i said, nana, am i pretty? and she obviously thought not because she ignored the question.

i had a "door" in my closet to a workshop of some kind. The door was a black curtain. people kept using it as a door, and i was annoyed. why i'm not sure. But tons of people i knew kept telling me they respected my decision to not use the door and then they kept using it right in front of me. at one point, the curtain even came down with the curtain rod exposed as a very flimsy thing.

i tried taping it to the sides to close it off. that didn't work. i tried tying the edges of the curtain to things, that didn't work either. i looked around for furniture to block it with. then i looked at the workshop, and they had several big bookcases so i could block it from their side, but they were too big for me to move myself.

i watched a home movie we made of me and my sisters playing a game on the lawn. It was like a photo, but i was able to look through the lens as if it was a movie camera.

i watched my young self pose and thought, "i can see now that i moved like a performer." i scrutinized the back of the house i grew up in and could see movement in an upper window.

aliens
beauty
betrayal
celebrities
children
death
dwellings
food
illness
jealousy
loss
love
paralyzed
performance
shopping
snakes
superpowers
travel
violence
weather
work