Just for fun: Letter from Hell
2003 Dreams
2002 Dreams
2001 Dreams
1999 Dreams

2000 Dreams

12/18/00 - Iris AlRoy
I had been chosen for a magazine spread. They had agreed to redecorate my apartment for the spread, though it started seeming as if they were doing very little and only were in it for the cheap content. They chose a sky blue bedspread for me, which was not my choice, i was pissed off about the bedspread but happy because my apartment seemed to be a lot bigger in my dream than it actually is. The webpage which would correspond with the spread was supposed to be themed with strawberries. The prior project, which I went to check in on, involved posing babies playing together in the middle of a quiet main street. The production assistants were taking babies as needed from several large brown cardboard cartons of them by the sidewalk. For some reason, i was driving a car down the street, and kept coming dangerously close to the baby boxes. I did not have a guilty thought in my head about it. Where i was heading took precedence, without a second thought.

10/29/00- Iris AlRoy somehow i remembered that i own a second property, but it was half built, and seemed both in new mexico and in san rafael. it was by the ocean, although the ocean couldn't be seen by the road. i had just found the place and was starting to walk around inside it and make plans to finish building it immediately. steve, who did electrical work on my first house, lived next door and he agreed to help me do some drywall on the walls. then, a bunch of people trooped in and made themselves at home.

8/24/00- Iris AlRoy i was somehow in the house i grew up in. i was running errands with my mother when i checked my airline ticket and realized my flight was at 7:30 pm that night. though it was only 11am, she panicked and seemed to dismiss/not take any responsibility or initiative for getting me there. somehow, taking a cab was not an option, since i was about an hour away from the airport. i was frantically making phone calls, trying to get help. somehow i ran into dave on the street and we were in brooklyn. we went into his place, and it was full of people i used to know and miss and people i'd like to know. i got hung up on having dave be in love with me and somehow that delayed my visit tremendously so that i ended up choosing to miss my plane partly because he said it didn't matter. he wanted me to stay. so i missed the plane and ended up with a physical crippling feeling where i could not move my legs except painfully and slowly.

8/13/00- Iris AlRoy i was housesitting a beautiful mansion. It seemed like it was my house but i couldn't believe it was really mine, it was so beautiful and so elaborate. as i walked through it i had a feeling that it could be mine if i could believe it was. also, the people i was housesitting for were originally tenants of my own house and that added to that feeling. in the dream, i was going out with the same person i've been on and off with all year. he had spent the weekend elsewhere, and i found out it was at an ex-girlfriends house. she had written him a bitter note because he wouldn't have sex with her. she looked just like me only fatter and uglier. the note said in part "you are so hot, but don't think it's because of how you look, because it's not" i then found my way to a drugstore and starting looking at makeup at some type of department store counter in there. the woman asked if i needed help. i said, only if you can make me beautiful. i want to be beautiful. 8/11/00- Iris AlRoy i was backstage at a show. i was friends with the superstar. i tripped over my ex-boyfriends foot on the way backstage. i had a handsome man on my arm and the superstar was fussing over me. i could feel my ex watching me. his new girlfriend entered and said something awkward and unfunny. i ignored both of them. Then my ex was snowing me with all kinds of lavish lies about how i was the one he really loved, that he only moved in with her to please her. i listened without being sympathetic to his begging. At the same time, i was nervous that i would fall for it.

8/5/00- Iris AlRoy i was visiting my sister who lived in a city i've visited before in dreams, but in this dream resembled a very cosmopolitan version of santa fe. She pulled into the parking lot of some fictional sort of swanky southwestern department store that seemed really familiar to me. on the racks were clothes, some of which were things i'd always wanted but hadn't bought because they are normally so expensive - they were all marked down to $1 or so. i got a huge pile of clothes, and went to check out. i was in a huge hurry but i don't know why i was rushing because my sister didn't seem stressed and i think i was thinking that at any moment she was going to take control and put a stop to this shopping and i wouldn't get what i wanted. on impulse i added two COWS to the purchase. i got out to the parking lot and realized i hadn't gotten a receipt and that maybe without a receipt i couldn't return the cows, plus i was visiting and how could i deal with these cows? i thought about how my father needed money and food and maybe i could give him a cow to eat. But it seemed like an overwhelming responsibility so i went back up to return the cows. they assured me that i could return them without a receipt. so i went back to the store floor and got distracted by racks of clothes NOT on sale that were even more spectacular....just exactly what i have always wanted. i started shopping again and i told my sister we could leave. now i got stressed again because i didn't believe that i could really return cows without a receipt. At this point the stress level was hitting a high point, and i got a wake up call.

5/10/00 - Iris AlRoy i was trying to order breakfast in the upstairs section of a grubby, dark restaurant. The waitress was extremely impatient, and there was no menu, so i racked my brain trying to decide what i wanted. finally, just as she was ready to flee, i said, ok, give me some shredded wheat. She took off down the stairs and i realized that she was planning to bring it with regular milk so i tore off after her, screaming out "SOY MILK"! i was really frustrated and angry at the service, and decided to walk around a little downstairs. i saw a twin bed with some odd things laid out on the bedspread. It looked like a garage sale held by a little kid of odd household objects and pieces of bent wire. i somehow knew that i was entitled to one treat, and i was about to pick out a plug in glade air freshener when my friend called me upstairs to eat my shredded wheat. The waitress was nowhere in sight, and the cereal had been served to me in a dirty loaf pan, all soggy.

5/2/00- Iris AlRoy my ex was hanging around some kinda house with me. he was lounging in a bedroom. he was pretending nothing was wrong between us but also giving a vibe that he didn't care either way. a friend of his came in and was trying to convince me what a great guy he is. "when you put different masks on him, he's really great!" she told me. i was like, "yeah, i know, but that's the real problem with him". i left the room, trying to get away. found myself trying to maneuver a car through a tiny alley with a homeless person camped out in the way, lying on a box with a blanket. i was angry that there was this obstacle, but everyone acted as if it was outrageous for me to ask the homeless person to leave. i then somehow parked the car and went shopping. for some reason i was scooping tons of things i didn't want into my cart. a group of employees came and started harassing me that i couldn't take the items out of my cart once i chose them. i was ignoring them and scooping things out onto a basket. i was determined to get rid of the junk i was carrying.

3/25/00- Iris AlRoy i was a mexican revolutionary. and a man. i had killed many people in this crazy subway spree, but i only killed the white people and only because i was trying to escape. Then i was out on the street because i miraculously escaped. i disguised myself as a girl, but was really pushing it because i ended up sharing a bed with this girl regularly (as sisters) and she brought one of the cops who was chasing me home one night. It was also hard to hide my penis from her. But not as hard as you'd think. i ended up getting changed into a girl and moving to another country. At the end of the dream i visited my family and ended up getting caught in a ceremony where they showed films about what "i" did; not knowing that i was in the audience disguised as a girl. We seemed to be like slaves, having to obey orders to...tear up boxes and stack up flattened garbage cans, hee!...seemed that there was still a lot of dramatic gunfire and flattening still going on. i had left the ceremony with permission but having to climb over office cubicles stacked up eighteen feet high, and barely escaping a fire that the white people were caught in because they couldn't stop arguing about whose fault it was that i had stepped on the typing table. At the end i was somehow still trapped there and i was having to edit a piece of film for a teacher in the aftermath of whatever skirmish had just broken out.

3/22/00- Iris AlRoy i was wandering through these massive tents set up outside a luxury hotel. It was some type of renaissance faire. People were selling costumes and clothes and jewelry. my sister and i were partying with some guys upstairs in their hotel room. Then it was showtime. me and carolyn were expected to perform the whole of the wizard of oz, in three acts. i wasn't terribly surprised about this, and felt up to the challenge. i seemed to be the lead character but felt that i was the lion, not dorothy. my sister, I'm not sure what part she had. We did not have costumes or makeup, being in street clothes. however, the first act was well received. It was in a beautiful little theater and every seat was filled. for the second act, things got chaotic. We moved the play to a smaller "dinner" theater, where vendors were expected to set up (though they didn't set up until halfway through the show, and did so right in front of us, between the stage and the audience). i was losing ground and kept telling carolyn "let's get on the yellow brick road" so we'd be able to pick up some other characters. But the hotel-room guys, though they seemed to be supposed to join in, didn't. finally, a couple of women complained that they wanted to see their beautiful lesbian friend. from the stage i said, "i think she's in the dressing room". my perspective followed them back there where they all fawned over her, and she acted kind of haughty and seductive. they trooped back and my dream ended with me wondering why lesbians were so incredibly obsessed with sex....i mean, this was ART...

2/28/00- Iris AlRoy i was somehow back with an ex-boyfriend. he was acting so whiny and bratty...when i complained about his behavior he basically told me that he wanted to just forget about the whole thing. meaning, if you don't like my behavior, you can walk. nice.... 2/22/00- Iris AlRoy i had returned to the house i grew up in, my mother was about twenty years younger, and so were my sisters. my father, as usual, was not around. i realized that i was missing some really important things and i returned back to this house and this time to find them. having looked in places which are really impossible to find in reality, since they're closets in a house which was sold eighteen years ago, i remembered who might be guilty of stealing these things. it was two girls, and since i was back in time i called up their mother. i explained the situation and she was very understanding. but we couldn't find the things i needed, though i could picture them more clearly than i had ever been able to before. I went on a journey to a piece of land owned by a friend who seemed to have aged about twenty years. the land was supposedly in montana,and it was so lush and beautiful it glowed. we went on a search through these fascinating old thrift stores for special things to replace the ones lost. i was taking so much time finding the right things and was getting so distracted by it all, that only one friend waited for me, explaining i would help them by feeding and putting the kids to bed. We went to a house full of kids. i didn't recognize any of them except my ex's daughter athena, who seemed much more aggressive and grownup suddenly. she helped me as i struggled to time dinner and bedtime correctly.

2/10/00- Iris AlRoy somehow, my ex asked me to marry him. in the dream, it was still during our relationship. i had the impression that we had run off to vegas to get it done. ended up spending the wedding night at home. But what a strange home. my mother and grandmother both lived there, and we seemed to be included in all activities, as if we were still kids. my new husband was very patient, and seemed to have no feeling on what our life should be like; he seemed to feel i had unreasonable expectations. in fact, when i pointed out that there had been no honeymoon, he responded by telling me calmly that he only got married to pacify me, and reminded me of an old fling who he hinted at having some involvement with. hmmmm...i think there's more. But basically i woke up being really glad this guy is gone. this is exactly what going out with him was like.

2/2/00- Iris AlRoy nana saw a picture of another girl and was exclaiming over how beautiful she was...i said, nana, am i pretty? and she obviously thought not because she ignored the question. i had a "door" in my closet to a workshop of some kind. The door was a black curtain. people kept using it as a door, and i was annoyed. why i'm not sure. But tons of people i knew kept telling me they respected my decision to not use the door and then they kept using it right in front of me. at one point, the curtain even came down with the curtain rod exposed as a very flimsy thing. i tried taping it to the sides to close it off. that didn't work. i tried tying the edges of the curtain to things, that didn't work either. i looked around for furniture to block it with. then i looked at the workshop, and they had several big bookcases so i could block it from their side, but they were too big for me to move myself. i watched a home movie we made of me and my sisters playing a game on the lawn. It was like a photo, but i was able to look through the lens as if it was a movie camera. i watched my young self pose and thought, "i can see now that i moved like a performer even then." i scrutinized the back of the house i grew up in and could see movement in an upper window. It was my parents going from the bathroom upstairs into their bedroom. It looked like my mother was doing "something" - that's all i'll say to my father. i thought, how could i have not noticed that before?

1/19/00- Iris AlRoy I had moved to New Mexico, somehow though, I was expected to help a handicapped person with a wheelchair to move in with me. I sat and discussed the situation with this strange woman who used to be my roommate in san francisco. I put my foot down with her and asserted that i would stay if I could make the whole house more like mine, putting my things out in the living spaces. She seemed relieved that I would stay. I went into my new bedroom. It had the only view of the Sangre de Cristo mountains in the whole apartment, but other than that, looked like a doctor's examining room at a cheap clinic. I went to some type of dance class; somehow now we seemed to be in Princeton, NJ, where I grew up. In the street, parking my car, I realized that I had a complete horror of being there (in New Mexico) or anywhere. I had to get out. I felt like I was choking. I thought to myself that I needed to make a plan. I decided that I wouldn't live anywhere, I just couldn't deal with making a decision. There would always be something I was losing, and I wouldn't be happy. I had to just keep moving. I didn't want to go back to New Mexico and had no idea how I got there.


Iris AlRoy - Dream Bank - 2000

2000 Dreams

12/18/00 - Iris AlRoy
I had been chosen for a magazine spread. They had agreed to redecorate my apartment for the spread, though it started seeming as if they were doing very little and only were in it for the cheap content. They chose a sky blue bedspread for me, which was not my choice, i was pissed off about the bedspread but happy because my apartment seemed to be a lot bigger in my dream than it actually is. The webpage which would correspond with the spread was supposed to be themed with strawberries. The prior project, which I went to check in on, involved posing babies playing together in the middle of a quiet main street. The production assistants were taking babies as needed from several large brown cardboard cartons of them by the sidewalk. For some reason, i was driving a car down the street, and kept coming dangerously close to the baby boxes. I did not have a guilty thought in my head about it. Where i was heading took precedence, without a second thought.

10/29/00- Iris AlRoy somehow i remembered that i own a second property, but it was half built, and seemed both in new mexico and in san rafael. it was by the ocean, although the ocean couldn't be seen by the road. i had just found the place and was starting to walk around inside it and make plans to finish building it immediately. steve, who did electrical work on my first house, lived next door and he agreed to help me do some drywall on the walls. then, a bunch of people trooped in and made themselves at home.

8/24/00- Iris AlRoy i was somehow in the house i grew up in. i was running errands with my mother when i checked my airline ticket and realized my flight was at 7:30 pm that night. though it was only 11am, she panicked and seemed to dismiss/not take any responsibility or initiative for getting me there. somehow, taking a cab was not an option, since i was about an hour away from the airport. i was frantically making phone calls, trying to get help. somehow i ran into dave on the street and we were in brooklyn. we went into his place, and it was full of people i used to know and miss and people i'd like to know. i got hung up on having dave be in love with me and somehow that delayed my visit tremendously so that i ended up choosing to miss my plane partly because he said it didn't matter. he wanted me to stay. so i missed the plane and ended up with a physical crippling feeling where i could not move my legs except painfully and slowly.

8/13/00- Iris AlRoy i was housesitting a beautiful mansion. It seemed like it was my house but i couldn't believe it was really mine, it was so beautiful and so elaborate. as i walked through it i had a feeling that it could be mine if i could believe it was. also, the people i was housesitting for were originally tenants of my own house and that added to that feeling. in the dream, i was going out with the same person i've been on and off with all year. he had spent the weekend elsewhere, and i found out it was at an ex-girlfriends house. she had written him a bitter note because he wouldn't have sex with her. she looked just like me only fatter and uglier. the note said in part "you are so hot, but don't think it's because of how you look, because it's not" i then found my way to a drugstore and starting looking at makeup at some type of department store counter in there. the woman asked if i needed help. i said, only if you can make me beautiful. i want to be beautiful. 8/11/00- Iris AlRoy i was backstage at a show. i was friends with the superstar. i tripped over my ex-boyfriends foot on the way backstage. i had a handsome man on my arm and the superstar was fussing over me. i could feel my ex watching me. his new girlfriend entered and said something awkward and unfunny. i ignored both of them. Then my ex was snowing me with all kinds of lavish lies about how i was the one he really loved, that he only moved in with her to please her. i listened without being sympathetic to his begging. At the same time, i was nervous that i would fall for it.

8/5/00- Iris AlRoy i was visiting my sister who lived in a city i've visited before in dreams, but in this dream resembled a very cosmopolitan version of santa fe. She pulled into the parking lot of some fictional sort of swanky southwestern department store that seemed really familiar to me. on the racks were clothes, some of which were things i'd always wanted but hadn't bought because they are normally so expensive - they were all marked down to $1 or so. i got a huge pile of clothes, and went to check out. i was in a huge hurry but i don't know why i was rushing because my sister didn't seem stressed and i think i was thinking that at any moment she was going to take control and put a stop to this shopping and i wouldn't get what i wanted. on impulse i added two COWS to the purchase. i got out to the parking lot and realized i hadn't gotten a receipt and that maybe without a receipt i couldn't return the cows, plus i was visiting and how could i deal with these cows? i thought about how my father needed money and food and maybe i could give him a cow to eat. But it seemed like an overwhelming responsibility so i went back up to return the cows. they assured me that i could return them without a receipt. so i went back to the store floor and got distracted by racks of clothes NOT on sale that were even more spectacular....just exactly what i have always wanted. i started shopping again and i told my sister we could leave. now i got stressed again because i didn't believe that i could really return cows without a receipt. At this point the stress level was hitting a high point, and i got a wake up call.

5/10/00 - Iris AlRoy i was trying to order breakfast in the upstairs section of a grubby, dark restaurant. The waitress was extremely impatient, and there was no menu, so i racked my brain trying to decide what i wanted. finally, just as she was ready to flee, i said, ok, give me some shredded wheat. She took off down the stairs and i realized that she was planning to bring it with regular milk so i tore off after her, screaming out "SOY MILK"! i was really frustrated and angry at the service, and decided to walk around a little downstairs. i saw a twin bed with some odd things laid out on the bedspread. It looked like a garage sale held by a little kid of odd household objects and pieces of bent wire. i somehow knew that i was entitled to one treat, and i was about to pick out a plug in glade air freshener when my friend called me upstairs to eat my shredded wheat. The waitress was nowhere in sight, and the cereal had been served to me in a dirty loaf pan, all soggy.

5/2/00- Iris AlRoy my ex was hanging around some kinda house with me. he was lounging in a bedroom. he was pretending nothing was wrong between us but also giving a vibe that he didn't care either way. a friend of his came in and was trying to convince me what a great guy he is. "when you put different masks on him, he's really great!" she told me. i was like, "yeah, i know, but that's the real problem with him". i left the room, trying to get away. found myself trying to maneuver a car through a tiny alley with a homeless person camped out in the way, lying on a box with a blanket. i was angry that there was this obstacle, but everyone acted as if it was outrageous for me to ask the homeless person to leave. i then somehow parked the car and went shopping. for some reason i was scooping tons of things i didn't want into my cart. a group of employees came and started harassing me that i couldn't take the items out of my cart once i chose them. i was ignoring them and scooping things out onto a basket. i was determined to get rid of the junk i was carrying.

3/25/00- Iris AlRoy i was a mexican revolutionary. and a man. i had killed many people in this crazy subway spree, but i only killed the white people and only because i was trying to escape. Then i was out on the street because i miraculously escaped. i disguised myself as a girl, but was really pushing it because i ended up sharing a bed with this girl regularly (as sisters) and she brought one of the cops who was chasing me home one night. It was also hard to hide my penis from her. But not as hard as you'd think. i ended up getting changed into a girl and moving to another country. At the end of the dream i visited my family and ended up getting caught in a ceremony where they showed films about what "i" did; not knowing that i was in the audience disguised as a girl. We seemed to be like slaves, having to obey orders to...tear up boxes and stack up flattened garbage cans, hee!...seemed that there was still a lot of dramatic gunfire and flattening still going on. i had left the ceremony with permission but having to climb over office cubicles stacked up eighteen feet high, and barely escaping a fire that the white people were caught in because they couldn't stop arguing about whose fault it was that i had stepped on the typing table. At the end i was somehow still trapped there and i was having to edit a piece of film for a teacher in the aftermath of whatever skirmish had just broken out.

3/22/00- Iris AlRoy i was wandering through these massive tents set up outside a luxury hotel. It was some type of renaissance faire. People were selling costumes and clothes and jewelry. my sister and i were partying with some guys upstairs in their hotel room. Then it was showtime. me and carolyn were expected to perform the whole of the wizard of oz, in three acts. i wasn't terribly surprised about this, and felt up to the challenge. i seemed to be the lead character but felt that i was the lion, not dorothy. my sister, I'm not sure what part she had. We did not have costumes or makeup, being in street clothes. however, the first act was well received. It was in a beautiful little theater and every seat was filled. for the second act, things got chaotic. We moved the play to a smaller "dinner" theater, where vendors were expected to set up (though they didn't set up until halfway through the show, and did so right in front of us, between the stage and the audience). i was losing ground and kept telling carolyn "let's get on the yellow brick road" so we'd be able to pick up some other characters. But the hotel-room guys, though they seemed to be supposed to join in, didn't. finally, a couple of women complained that they wanted to see their beautiful lesbian friend. from the stage i said, "i think she's in the dressing room". my perspective followed them back there where they all fawned over her, and she acted kind of haughty and seductive. they trooped back and my dream ended with me wondering why lesbians were so incredibly obsessed with sex....i mean, this was ART...

2/28/00- Iris AlRoy i was somehow back with an ex-boyfriend. he was acting so whiny and bratty...when i complained about his behavior he basically told me that he wanted to just forget about the whole thing. meaning, if you don't like my behavior, you can walk. nice.... 2/22/00- Iris AlRoy i had returned to the house i grew up in, my mother was about twenty years younger, and so were my sisters. my father, as usual, was not around. i realized that i was missing some really important things and i returned back to this house and this time to find them. having looked in places which are really impossible to find in reality, since they're closets in a house which was sold eighteen years ago, i remembered who might be guilty of stealing these things. it was two girls, and since i was back in time i called up their mother. i explained the situation and she was very understanding. but we couldn't find the things i needed, though i could picture them more clearly than i had ever been able to before. I went on a journey to a piece of land owned by a friend who seemed to have aged about twenty years. the land was supposedly in montana,and it was so lush and beautiful it glowed. we went on a search through these fascinating old thrift stores for special things to replace the ones lost. i was taking so much time finding the right things and was getting so distracted by it all, that only one friend waited for me, explaining i would help them by feeding and putting the kids to bed. We went to a house full of kids. i didn't recognize any of them except my ex's daughter athena, who seemed much more aggressive and grownup suddenly. she helped me as i struggled to time dinner and bedtime correctly.

2/10/00- Iris AlRoy somehow, my ex asked me to marry him. in the dream, it was still during our relationship. i had the impression that we had run off to vegas to get it done. ended up spending the wedding night at home. But what a strange home. my mother and grandmother both lived there, and we seemed to be included in all activities, as if we were still kids. my new husband was very patient, and seemed to have no feeling on what our life should be like; he seemed to feel i had unreasonable expectations. in fact, when i pointed out that there had been no honeymoon, he responded by telling me calmly that he only got married to pacify me, and reminded me of an old fling who he hinted at having some involvement with. hmmmm...i think there's more. But basically i woke up being really glad this guy is gone. this is exactly what going out with him was like.

2/2/00- Iris AlRoy nana saw a picture of another girl and was exclaiming over how beautiful she was...i said, nana, am i pretty? and she obviously thought not because she ignored the question. i had a "door" in my closet to a workshop of some kind. The door was a black curtain. people kept using it as a door, and i was annoyed. why i'm not sure. But tons of people i knew kept telling me they respected my decision to not use the door and then they kept using it right in front of me. at one point, the curtain even came down with the curtain rod exposed as a very flimsy thing. i tried taping it to the sides to close it off. that didn't work. i tried tying the edges of the curtain to things, that didn't work either. i looked around for furniture to block it with. then i looked at the workshop, and they had several big bookcases so i could block it from their side, but they were too big for me to move myself. i watched a home movie we made of me and my sisters playing a game on the lawn. It was like a photo, but i was able to look through the lens as if it was a movie camera. i watched my young self pose and thought, "i can see now that i moved like a performer even then." i scrutinized the back of the house i grew up in and could see movement in an upper window. It was my parents going from the bathroom upstairs into their bedroom. It looked like my mother was doing "something" - that's all i'll say to my father. i thought, how could i have not noticed that before?

1/19/00- Iris AlRoy I had moved to New Mexico, somehow though, I was expected to help a handicapped person with a wheelchair to move in with me. I sat and discussed the situation with this strange woman who used to be my roommate in san francisco. I put my foot down with her and asserted that i would stay if I could make the whole house more like mine, putting my things out in the living spaces. She seemed relieved that I would stay. I went into my new bedroom. It had the only view of the Sangre de Cristo mountains in the whole apartment, but other than that, looked like a doctor's examining room at a cheap clinic. I went to some type of dance class; somehow now we seemed to be in Princeton, NJ, where I grew up. In the street, parking my car, I realized that I had a complete horror of being there (in New Mexico) or anywhere. I had to get out. I felt like I was choking. I thought to myself that I needed to make a plan. I decided that I wouldn't live anywhere, I just couldn't deal with making a decision. There would always be something I was losing, and I wouldn't be happy. I had to just keep moving. I didn't want to go back to New Mexico and had no idea how I got there.

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